Funny Gifts for a Librarian
The best gift for a librarian is a shirt that makes fellow readers smile. Honeyman Tees shows fairy-tale favorites and characters from classic books as cute chibi storybook-watercolor characters with a speech-bubble joke, and every design carries a short true story about where the character comes from. They suit librarians, school librarians, storytime leaders, bookworms and anyone who loves a good shelf. Each shirt is printed to order, with production taking 3-10 days, and ships free to US addresses. That makes it a simple gift for Library Week, a staff thank-you or a birthday.
Little Red Riding Hood T-shirt
“I packed snacks so nobody gets eaten.”
In the versions by Charles Perrault (1697) and the Brothers Grimm (1812), Little Red Riding Hood meets a wolf in the woods on her way to her grandmother's house, and things go badly for Grandma.
Rapunzel T-shirt
“Let down my hair? Book an appointment.”
In the Brothers Grimm tale, the witch climbs the tower by calling "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair," and later a prince does the same.
Sleeping Beauty T-shirt
“Hundred-year nap. Still tired.”
In the old fairy tale, a princess falls under a spell and sleeps for a hundred years until the spell is broken.
The Three Little Pigs T-shirt
“Huff and puff all you want. We built different.”
In the English fairy tale, the wolf huffs and puffs and blows down the houses of straw and sticks, but he can't blow down the house of bricks.
The Tortoise T-shirt
“Slow and steady. Also, smug.”
In Aesop's fable, the speedy hare is so sure of winning that he takes a nap mid-race, and the slow, steady tortoise wins.
The Fox T-shirt
“Didn't want them anyway.”
In Aesop's fable, a fox who can't reach some grapes decides they must be sour anyway, which is where the phrase "sour grapes" comes from.
Tooth Fairy T-shirt
“I don't ask questions. I just pay cash.”
In the American tradition of the tooth fairy, popular since the early 1900s, a child leaves a lost tooth under the pillow and wakes up to find a coin.
Dante T-shirt
“I've been through nine circles of this already.”
In Dante's 14th-century poem the Inferno, the poet travels through all nine circles of hell before he can make his way out.
Achilles T-shirt
“My only weakness? Leg day.”
In Greek legend, Achilles' mother dipped him in the river Styx to make him invulnerable, but she held him by the heel, and that was the one spot left unprotected.
The Submarine Captain T-shirt
“Gone fishing. Very, very deep.”
In Jules Verne's 1870 novel, a mysterious sea captain explores the deepest oceans in his own submarine, far from the world above.
Quasimodo T-shirt
“Sorry, I didn't hear you. Bell practice.”
In Victor Hugo's 1831 novel, Quasimodo is the bell ringer of Notre-Dame in Paris, and years of ringing the great bells have left him deaf.
Edgar Allan Poe T-shirt
“Quoth the raven: not today.”
In Edgar Allan Poe's 1845 poem, a mysterious raven answers every question with the same single word.
The Great Detective T-shirt
“It's elementary. You're just not paying attention.”
In the classic detective stories of the 1890s, the great detective solves cases from tiny clues that everyone else overlooked.
The Three Swordsmen T-shirt
“Best friends since 1844.”
Alexandre Dumas's 1844 adventure novel follows a band of sword-fighting best friends in 17th-century France.
Victorian miser T-shirt
“Bah humbug is my love language.”
In Charles Dickens's 1843 Christmas story, a miserly old businessman dismisses Christmas as "humbug" until a series of ghostly visits changes his mind.
Jilted bride T-shirt
“I stopped the clocks. Still waiting on you.”
In an 1861 Charles Dickens novel, a jilted bride stops every clock in her house at the moment she was left at the altar, and she wears her wedding dress for years afterward.
Victorian orphan T-shirt
“More gruel? Fine. More snacks? Yes.”
In Charles Dickens's 1838 novel, a hungry workhouse orphan famously holds out his bowl and asks for more gruel.
Odysseus T-shirt
“Running a little late. Ten years, tops.”
In an ancient Greek epic poem, Odysseus takes ten years to get home from the Trojan War, which had already lasted ten years.
Proud Gentleman, Mr. Darcy T-shirt
“Awkward at parties. Excellent at letters.”
In a beloved 1813 novel, Mr. Darcy is famously stiff at the Meryton ball, but his long letter to Elizabeth Bennet is what finally changes her mind.
Witty Heroine, Elizabeth Bennet T-shirt
“Walked three miles just to judge you.”
In a beloved 1813 novel, Elizabeth Bennet walks three miles through muddy fields to visit her sick sister, to the horror of the fashionable ladies at Netherfield.
Pride and Prejudice Couple T-shirt
“He's proud. I'm prejudiced. We're perfect.”
A beloved 1813 novel pairs a proud Mr. Darcy with a quick-to-judge Elizabeth Bennet, and the two spend most of the book misjudging each other before they get it right.
Doctor and His Other Half T-shirt
“I'm a different man after coffee.”
In Robert Louis Stevenson's 1886 novella, Dr. Jekyll drinks a potion that turns him into a completely different man.
Princess and the Pea T-shirt
“One pea. Zero sleep. Ruined.”
In Hans Christian Andersen's 1835 tale, a queen tests a girl by hiding one pea under twenty mattresses. The real princess can't sleep a wink.
Frog Prince T-shirt
“Technically royalty. Mostly frog.”
In the Brothers Grimm version of The Frog Prince, the very first tale in their 1812 collection, the princess breaks the spell by throwing the frog against a wall, not by kissing him.
Hansel and Gretel T-shirt
“We ate the house. Worth it.”
In the Brothers Grimm tale, Hansel and Gretel find a little house made of bread, with a roof of cake and windows of sugar, and they start eating it right away.
Ugly Duckling T-shirt
“Awkward phase. Fabulous ending.”
In Hans Christian Andersen's 1843 tale, the bird everyone teases as an ugly duckling grows up to be a beautiful swan.
Jack and the Beanstalk T-shirt
“Traded a cow. Best deal ever.”
In the English fairy tale, Jack trades the family cow for a handful of magic beans. His mother throws them out the window, and overnight they grow into a beanstalk that reaches the sky.
Rumpelstiltskin T-shirt
“Guess my name. Wrong. Try again.”
In the Brothers Grimm tale, the queen has three days to guess the little man's name, and she guesses wrong again and again before she finally learns it.
Don Quixote and Sancho Panza T-shirt
“...Fine, windmills.”
In a 1605 Spanish novel, the would-be knight Don Quixote charges a row of giants that exist only in his imagination, while his squire Sancho Panza tries to tell him otherwise.
Edgar Allan Poe with Quill and Book T-shirt
“I'm not gloomy. I'm Gothic.”
Edgar Allan Poe wrote dark poems and eerie tales, and his 1841 story set in Paris is often called the first modern detective story.
Charles Dickens T-shirt
“Paid by the chapter. Very long chapters.”
Charles Dickens published most of his novels in monthly or weekly installments, and readers waited eagerly for every new part.
Jane Austen T-shirt
“Pride? Sure. Prejudice? Working on it.”
Her 1813 novel came out without her name on it. The title page said only that it was by the author of her earlier 1811 novel.
Mississippi Riverboat Author T-shirt
“Reports of my nap were greatly exaggerated.”
When a newspaper reported in 1897 that the famous Mississippi riverboat author was gravely ill, he told a reporter that the report of his death was an exaggeration.
Romeo and Juliet T-shirt
“Met Sunday. Married Monday. Maybe rushed it.”
In a famous Elizabethan playwright's tragedy, Romeo and Juliet meet at a feast on a Sunday night and are secretly married by Monday afternoon.
The Count of Monte Cristo T-shirt
“Escaped prison. Found treasure. Still holding grudges.”
In Alexandre Dumas's 1844 adventure novel, a young sailor wrongly imprisoned in an island fortress escapes after fourteen years, finds a hidden treasure and returns to settle old scores.
Alexandre Dumas T-shirt
“Three hundred books. Then I wrote a cookbook.”
Alexandre Dumas turned out an enormous number of novels and plays, and one of his last big projects was a huge dictionary of food, published in 1873, after his death.
Walt Whitman T-shirt
“Revised my one book for 37 years.”
Walt Whitman published his first book of poems in 1855 and kept revising and expanding that same book for the rest of his life, through a final edition in 1891-92.
Victorian Playwright T-shirt
“Velvet suit, one lily, many opinions.”
Victorian London's most famous playwright and wit was known for his flamboyant style, from velvet suits to lilies, and for clever remarks people still quote today.
Dorothy Parker T-shirt
“My book reviews come with a warning label.”
In the late 1920s Dorothy Parker wrote book reviews for a New York magazine under the name Constant Reader, and they were famous for not holding back.
Mrs Bennet T-shirt
“Five daughters. Zero husbands. My poor nerves.”
In a beloved 1813 novel, Mrs. Bennet's great goal is to see all five of her daughters married, and she complains often about her poor nerves.
Mr Collins T-shirt
“I'll propose to someone by Thursday.”
In a beloved 1813 novel, Mr. Collins proposes to Elizabeth Bennet, and after she turns him down he is engaged to her friend Charlotte Lucas within about three days.
Captain Wentworth T-shirt
“Waited eight years. Then wrote one letter.”
In an 1817 English novel, Captain Wentworth and Anne Elliot are parted for more than eight years before he finally writes her a letter declaring his feelings.
Catherine Morland T-shirt
“Read one gothic novel. Now I suspect everyone.”
In an early 19th-century English novel, Catherine Morland reads so many spooky romance novels that she begins to suspect her host of a dark family secret. It turns out to be all in her imagination.
Mr Knightley T-shirt
“I scold because I care. Mostly.”
In an 1815 English novel, Mr. Knightley is about the only person who ever scolds Emma, and he does it because he cares about her.
Elinor Dashwood T-shirt
“Someone has to be the sensible one.”
In an 1811 English novel, Elinor Dashwood is the calm, sensible sister who keeps the family steady while quietly hiding her own heartbreak.
Marianne Dashwood T-shirt
“Feelings? I have all of them.”
In an 1811 English novel, Marianne Dashwood stands for sensibility, the period's word for deep, openly shown feeling, and she shows every one of hers.
White Whale and Sea Captain T-shirt
“One more thing on my to-do list.”
In the classic 1851 whaling novel, a sea captain chases one great white whale across the oceans, and he will not let it go.
Gulliver T-shirt
“Sorry, I'm a little tied up.”
Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels was first published on October 28, 1726. In it, Gulliver wakes up after a shipwreck to find himself tied to the ground by the tiny people of Lilliput.
Emma Woodhouse T-shirt
“I'm not meddling. I'm matchmaking.”
In an 1815 English comic novel, Emma Woodhouse, a well-meaning young woman, is sure she has a gift for matchmaking. She sets up her friend Harriet with one suitor after another, with very mixed results, and learns the hard way that meddling is not the same as matchmaking.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh T-shirt
“Never learned piano. Would've been brilliant.”
In a classic 1813 English novel, the formidable Lady Catherine de Bourgh offers advice on everything. She says that if she had ever learned the piano she would have been a great proficient, which is a bold claim from someone who never played.
Hamlet T-shirt
“To be or not to be? Ask me again in Act 5.”
In a tragedy written around 1600, the Prince of Denmark asks "To be, or not to be" in a famous speech in Act 3. The prince is still alive, and still thinking it over, until the final scene of Act 5.
Lady Macbeth T-shirt
“Twenty seconds of handwashing? Amateurs.”
In a tragedy first staged around 1606, Lady Macbeth sleepwalks in Act 5, rubbing her hands again and again as if she cannot wash away a stain that only she can see. A doctor and her attendant watch in worry as she scrubs and scrubs.
Geatish Warrior T-shirt
“No sword needed. I'm a hugger.”
An anonymous medieval epic poem tells of a warrior of the Geats who faces the monster Grendel. He sets his sword aside and fights bare-handed, on the grounds that the monster uses no weapons, so he wins by sheer strength alone.
Jo March T-shirt
“Sold my hair. Kept my opinions.”
In an 1868 American novel, Jo March cuts off her long hair and sells it for 25 dollars to help pay for her mother's trip to see their father, who is ill in a Civil War hospital. Her opinions stay exactly as they were.
Anna Karenina T-shirt
“Everyone wore lilac. I wore black.”
Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina ran in installments from 1875 to 1877 and appeared as a book in 1878. At the ball in Part One, Kitty expects Anna to arrive in lilac, but Anna comes in a simple black velvet gown and steals the evening.
Velveteen Rabbit T-shirt
“Shabby? No. Very well loved.”
Margery Williams published The Velveteen Rabbit in 1922, with illustrations by William Nicholson. In it, an old Skin Horse explains to a toy rabbit that toys become Real when a child loves them for a long time, worn spots and all.
Mary Lennox T-shirt
“The robin found the key. I'm taking credit.”
Frances Hodgson Burnett's 1911 children's novel follows Mary Lennox, a sour, lonely girl sent to live in a big house on the Yorkshire moors. A friendly robin shows her where the key to a long-locked garden lies buried, and the story grows from there.
Cyrano de Bergerac T-shirt
“Big nose. Bigger vocabulary.”
Edmond Rostand's 1897 play follows Cyrano, a Gascon cadet, poet and swordsman with a famously large nose, who secretly writes love letters to Roxane on behalf of the handsome Christian. In Act I he answers a heckler by listing far wittier insults than the man could think up.
The Turn of the Screw Governess T-shirt
“Ghosts weren't in the job description.”
Published in 1898, this ghost novella follows a young governess hired to look after two children at a remote country house, where she believes she sees ghosts. Readers have debated for over a century whether the ghosts are real, which keeps it a favorite of English classes and spooky-season reading lists.
Reading Santa T-shirt
“Ho ho hold on. Chapter ending.”
The 1823 poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" describes Santa as "a right jolly old elf" with a little round belly, and it never shows him with a book. We figure someone who visits every house in one night has earned a quiet chapter first.
